a perfect woman

My perfect woman:

She was feminine, expensive, sexy, cool yet definitely available given the right conditions and the money

Helmut Newton

Overachievers don't write

Overachievers don't write

Whitney Otto

SATURDAY, MAY 13, 2006

PORTLAND, Oregon The beach book, the novel that we take with us on a languorous summer vacation, when we demand that reading be a pleasure and not a chore, the one "serious" readers apologize for even though they shouldn't, is known more formally as genre fiction. The thing that makes genre fiction so appealing is the same thing that can make it such a bore: It's predictable. If the recent rash of novels classified as chick lit were laid end to end, you would have the literary equivalent of a tract-house development.

Sure, some of the houses are beige and others are cream, but they all have the same two-car garage and marble counters in the kitchen. That's why people buy them. That's why Alloy, the book-packaging company that helped Kaavya Viswanathan with "How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild and Got a Life" - portions of which, Viswanathan later admitted, had been copied from other books - specializes in chick lit, the latest incarnation of the romance genre.

I doubt that I'm the first to notice the glaring similarities between romances and chick lit, but in the spirit of recent events, let's say that I am. This is because the pleasure of the predictable romance novel (or chick lit) is the knowledge that a bookish girl can win. A good romance/chick-lit book is about discovery and appreciation. A chick-lit novel tells the reader that humor, imperfect looks and quick wit are desirable even if the world seems to tell the bookish girl otherwise.

And who else would be reading a novel but a bookish girl? Viswanathan is a bookish girl who might have had more success at fiction if she didn't bear the burden of the overachiever. Overachievers don't generally become writers because the skill set is so different. If you want to be a writer, work on the finer points of gossip, eavesdropping and voyeurism; basically the pastimes of the underachiever. If you care to add smoking, drinking and carousing to your repertoire, you wouldn't be the first .

It seems that the first person to see Viswanathan's darker, unfinished novel was her college admissions consultant, someone who, for a nice chunk of change, will get you into that Ivy League college of your choice. The book went on to Alloy, which transformed it into the young-adult chick- lit "Opal Mehta," which borrowed heavily from Megan McCafferty, Sophie Kinsella, Meg Cabot and my favorite, Salman Rushdie, whose name is so often linked with the first three writers.

The mystery of the "Opal Mehta" affair is why would you succumb to the pressure to produce yet another chick lit by-the-numbers book unless you were more motivated by being a writer than actually writing. Viswanathan's collaboration with Alloy would be more understandable if she had been kicking around the publishing scene for a spell, and got really drunk (see above). This is a way of saying that it isn't surprising that a faux writer might want to write a kind of faux novel.

At its best, genre writing can transcend its given genre. Raymond Chandler, James M. Cain and Dashiell Hammett wrote crime classics that often threw an unwelcome light on the ways a person will treat another person given the right circumstances. And Margaret Mitchell's "Gone With the Wind" blew the bodice off almost all other romance novels. But if you aren't compelled to write, because you're maybe an overachieving future investment banker, then a paint-by-number approach might be the way to go, bookwise.

It would take an underachieving, gossipy, voyeuristic, bit of a slacker to write a genre novel capable of pulling away from the pack. In the writing life you can't avoid failure. Or, to put it another way, someone who is driven to write is usually not the same sort of person who would work with an expensive college counselor.

That's a little like expecting a claustrophobe to take up a career in a coal mine. And you can't trade on your youth because being young isn't enough to even know your own story, let alone tell it. Some of the best books ever written about youth are by writers long past those dewy days.

At 68, I'm every age I ever was. I always think that I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and 3. Oh, especially 3. George Carlin said that but since I'm in such strong agreement, I might as well have said it.

One could say that a chick-lit book comes with such specific requirements to be considered chick lit that enormous similarities to previous books within the genre are almost inevitable. Or you could just write your own book.

PORTLAND, Oregon The beach book, the novel that we take with us on a languorous summer vacation, when we demand that reading be a pleasure and not a chore, the one "serious" readers apologize for even though they shouldn't, is known more formally as genre fiction. The thing that makes genre fiction so appealing is the same thing that can make it such a bore: It's predictable. If the recent rash of novels classified as chick lit were laid end to end, you would have the literary equivalent of a tract-house development.

Sure, some of the houses are beige and others are cream, but they all have the same two-car garage and marble counters in the kitchen. That's why people buy them. That's why Alloy, the book-packaging company that helped Kaavya Viswanathan with "How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild and Got a Life" - portions of which, Viswanathan later admitted, had been copied from other books - specializes in chick lit, the latest incarnation of the romance genre.

I doubt that I'm the first to notice the glaring similarities between romances and chick lit, but in the spirit of recent events, let's say that I am. This is because the pleasure of the predictable romance novel (or chick lit) is the knowledge that a bookish girl can win. A good romance/chick-lit book is about discovery and appreciation. A chick-lit novel tells the reader that humor, imperfect looks and quick wit are desirable even if the world seems to tell the bookish girl otherwise.

And who else would be reading a novel but a bookish girl? Viswanathan is a bookish girl who might have had more success at fiction if she didn't bear the burden of the overachiever. Overachievers don't generally become writers because the skill set is so different. If you want to be a writer, work on the finer points of gossip, eavesdropping and voyeurism; basically the pastimes of the underachiever. If you care to add smoking, drinking and carousing to your repertoire, you wouldn't be the first .

It seems that the first person to see Viswanathan's darker, unfinished novel was her college admissions consultant, someone who, for a nice chunk of change, will get you into that Ivy League college of your choice. The book went on to Alloy, which transformed it into the young-adult chick- lit "Opal Mehta," which borrowed heavily from Megan McCafferty, Sophie Kinsella, Meg Cabot and my favorite, Salman Rushdie, whose name is so often linked with the first three writers.

The mystery of the "Opal Mehta" affair is why would you succumb to the pressure to produce yet another chick lit by-the-numbers book unless you were more motivated by being a writer than actually writing. Viswanathan's collaboration with Alloy would be more understandable if she had been kicking around the publishing scene for a spell, and got really drunk (see above). This is a way of saying that it isn't surprising that a faux writer might want to write a kind of faux novel.

At its best, genre writing can transcend its given genre. Raymond Chandler, James M. Cain and Dashiell Hammett wrote crime classics that often threw an unwelcome light on the ways a person will treat another person given the right circumstances. And Margaret Mitchell's "Gone With the Wind" blew the bodice off almost all other romance novels. But if you aren't compelled to write, because you're maybe an overachieving future investment banker, then a paint-by-number approach might be the way to go, bookwise.

It would take an underachieving, gossipy, voyeuristic, bit of a slacker to write a genre novel capable of pulling away from the pack. In the writing life you can't avoid failure. Or, to put it another way, someone who is driven to write is usually not the same sort of person who would work with an expensive college counselor.

That's a little like expecting a claustrophobe to take up a career in a coal mine. And you can't trade on your youth because being young isn't enough to even know your own story, let alone tell it. Some of the best books ever written about youth are by writers long past those dewy days.

At 68, I'm every age I ever was. I always think that I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and 3. Oh, especially 3. George Carlin said that but since I'm in such strong agreement, I might as well have said it.

One could say that a chick-lit book comes with such specific requirements to be considered chick lit that enormous similarities to previous books within the genre are almost inevitable. Or you could just write your own book.

Europe's future

Calling in sick

Cracking under pressure

Here is an old article from New York Times. I think it's interesting and usefull

Cracking Under the Pressure? It's Just the Opposite, for Some

By ANAHAD O'CONNOR

Published: September 10, 2004

For Michael Jones, an architect at a top-tier firm in New York, juggling multiple projects and running on four hours of sleep is business as usual. Mr. Jones has adjusted, he says, to a rapid pace and the constant pressure that leads his colleagues to "blow up" from time to time.

A design project can drag on for more than a year, often requiring six-day workweeks and painstaking effort. At the moment, he said, he is working on four.

But for Mr. Jones, the stress is worth it, if only because every now and then he can gaze at the Manhattan skyline and spot a product of his labor: the soaring profile of the Chatham apartment building on East 65th Street, one of many structures he has helped design in his 14 years at Robert A. M. Stern Architects.

"If I didn't feel like I was part of something important, I wouldn't be able to do this," he said.

Mr. Jones belongs to a rare breed of worker that psychologists have struggled to understand for decades, not for the sheer amount of stress they grapple with day to day, but for the way they flourish under it. They are a familiar but puzzling force in the workplace, perpetually functioning in overdrive to meet a punishing schedule or a demanding boss.

To colleagues, these men and women may seem simply like workaholics. But psychologists who study them call them resilient, or hardy, and say they share certain backgrounds and qualities that enable them to thrive under enormous pressure.

"People who are high in hardiness enjoy ongoing changes and difficulties," said Dr. Salvatore R. Maddi, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Irvine, and the author of a forthcoming book, "Resilience at Work." "They find themselves more involved in their work when it gets tougher and more complicated. They tend to think of stress as a normal part of life, rather than as something that's unfair.''

Chronic stress has been linked to an array of illnesses, including heart disease and depression. But people who cope successfully, studies have found, punch in at work with normal levels of stress hormones that climb during the day and drop sharply at night. Their coworkers who complain of being too stressed have consistently higher levels of hormones that rarely dip very far, trapping them in a constant state of anxiety.

At the same time, resilient people seem to avoid stress-related health and psychological problems, even as colleagues are falling to pieces, say researchers who have studied strenuous work environments.

"Some of it is genetic, some of it is how you were raised, and some it is just your personality," Dr. Bruce McEwen, director of the neuroendocrinology laboratory at Rockefeller University, said.

People who thrive under pressure do not necessarily seek out particular professions, researchers say. But whether they are on the trading floor or the campaign trail, they all appear to have had early experiences in difficult environments that taught them how to regulate their stress levels. They can sense when they are reaching their breaking point, and they know when to take a walk or turn off the ringer.

In some cases, these people subject themselves to stresses of their own making, driven by an unconscious urge to conquer pressures that dogged them as children or young adults, said Steven Kuchuck, a psychotherapist in New York who treats many patients who seek out demanding jobs and relationships.

"There's this strong desire to go back to similar sources of stress that they grew up with in an effort to master it," Mr. Kuchuck said. "Some people will say 'No, I don't like a lot of stress,' but they find themselves in one stressful job after another, so there must be something that's pulling them."

Mr. Kuchuck has also seen the opposite: people who crave a frenzied career because they feel their childhoods were not stimulating at all.

But regardless of what propels people to push themselves, what allows them to prosper, psychologists say, is a strong commitment to their career, a feeling of being in control, and a tendency to view stress as a challenge rather than as a burden.

People's attitudes toward their jobs and the degree to which they feel they make a difference by showing up each day have long been considered powerful indicators of how well they will do. Being just another cog in a machine with no say over what happens is almost guaranteed to cause burnout. But even in the most grueling work environment, people can cope if they feel they have some control.

Studies of professional musicians show that people in orchestras are often less satisfied and more stressed than those in small chamber groups because they lack autonomy, according to Dr. Robert M. Sapolsky, a professor of biology and neurology at Stanford and the author of "Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers." Orchestra musicians are at the mercy of their maestro's every whim. For years, they had no power even to take regular bathroom breaks.

"The people who are under someone's thumb, who are low-ranking and don't have any decision-making,'' Dr. McEwen said, "these are the people who always experience more anxiety."

People who exhibit hardiness are reluctant to cede control. They are also less likely to feel victimized by their bosses or by unpredictable life circumstances. When there is a crisis at work, they can tough it out because they accept a harsh workload or the occasional pink slip as an unsavory but inevitable part of life, psychologists say.

"They know there'll be different challenges, some you can't even anticipate, yet they train their minds to say these things are expected," said Dr. Robert Brooks, a clinical psychologist at Harvard Medical School and the author of "The Power of Resilience."

Anticipating troubled waters can decrease vulnerability to stress-induced diseases. In the early 1980's, Dr. Maddi of U.C. Irvine followed hundreds of employees at Illinois Bell when its parent company, AT&T, was facing federal deregulation. More than 10,000 people eventually lost their jobs.

"There was suicide, depression, anxiety disorders, divorces, heart attacks, strokes - all the things that could be attributed to massive stress," Dr. Maddi said.

But while about two-thirds of the workers in Dr. Maddi's sample unraveled, the other third thrived. They survived the incident with their health intact and hung onto their jobs or moved to another company where they quickly climbed up the ranks.

When the researchers went back and reviewed their first set of interviews, they found that many of the people who made it through unscathed had stressful family backgrounds - constant moving, their parents getting divorced - and were more likely to describe change as inevitable.

"Some of the people who cracked had initially taken a job with Bell rather than I.B.M. because they believed it was safe and didn't want any disruption," Dr. Maddi said.

Stress is unavoidable, so bracing for it every now and then is the best way to cope. But people who are on constant alert may be suffering from an anxiety disorder, psychologists say.

Those who collapse under the pressures of the workplace are prone to envision every worst-case scenario, while resilient people think of how a greater workload, for example, might lead to a promotion. In studies, researchers have found that perhaps the only time pessimists thrive is when they become lawyers.

"If you're drawing up a contract, the ability to see every foreseeable danger is something that goes along with pessimism, but it's also what makes a good lawyer," Dr. Martin Seligman, a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, said. "The problem is, not only are they good at seeing that the roof might collapse on you, they're also good at seeing that their mate might be having an affair, that they're never going to make partner."

But one way to overcome cynicism and exhaustion, said Dr. Andy Morgan, an associate professor of psychiatry at Yale, is with a sense of personal accomplishment.

An architect who toils six days a week, regularly burning the midnight oil, like Mr. Jones, can be happy if a glimpse of the Manhattan skyline illustrates the value of his efforts.

"When you feel that you're accomplishing something, it's akin to a sense of control," Dr. Morgan said. "When people start feeling that what they're doing is not meaningful, then they take more sick days, begin looking for another job, and complain of health problems."

Bill Swanson's full list of rules

• Learn to say, "I don't know." If used when appropriate, it will be often.
• It is easier to get into something than it is to get out of it.
• If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much.
• Look for what is missing. Many know how to improve what's there, but few can see what isn't there.
• Viewgraph rule: When something appears on a viewgraph (an overhead transparency), assume the world knows about it, and deal with it accordingly.
• Work for a boss with whom you are comfortable telling it like it is. Remember that you can't pick your relatives, but you can pick your boss.
• Constantly review developments to make sure that the actual benefits are what they are supposed to be. Avoid Newton's Law.
• However menial and trivial your early assignments may appear, give them your best efforts.
• Persistence or tenacity is the disposition to persevere in spite of difficulties, discouragement, or indifference. Don't be known as a good starter but a poor finisher.
• In completing a project, don't wait for others; go after them, and make sure it gets done.
• Confirm your instructions and the commitments of others in writing. Don't assume it will get done!
• Don't be timid; speak up. Express yourself, and promote your ideas.
• Practice shows that those who speak the most knowingly and confidently often end up with the assignment to get it done.
• Strive for brevity and clarity in oral and written reports.
• Be extremely careful of the accuracy of your statements.
• Don't overlook the fact that you are working for a boss. * Keep him or her informed. Avoid surprises! * Whatever the boss wants takes top priority.
• Promises, schedules, and estimates are important instruments in a well-ordered business. *You must make promises. Don't lean on the often-used phrase, "I can't estimate it because it depends upon many uncertain factors."
• Never direct a complaint to the top. A serious offense is to "cc" a person's boss.
• When dealing with outsiders, remember that you represent the company. Be careful of your commitments.
• Cultivate the habit of "boiling matters down" to the simplest terms. An elevator speech is the best way.
• Don't get excited in engineering emergencies. Keep your feet on the ground.
• Cultivate the habit of making quick, clean-cut decisions.
• When making decisions, the pros are much easier to deal with than the cons. Your boss wants to see the cons also.
• Don't ever lose your sense of humor.
• Have fun at what you do. It will reflect in your work. No one likes a grump except another grump.

Office Wisdom

David Brent's Office Wisdom
From the British sitcom "Office"

1. Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
2. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
3. There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.
4. Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.
5. Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.
6. Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility tomorrow.
7. Every time you open your mouth you have this wonderful ability to continually confirm what I think.
8. Show me a good loser and I'll show you a LOSER!
9. Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.
10. It's the team that matters. Where would The Beatles be without Ringo? If John got Yoko to play drums the history of music would be completely different.
11. What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.
12. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
13. Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.
14. If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
15. If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.
16. You don't have to be mad to work here! In fact we ask you to complete a medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not.
17. If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.
18. If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
19. You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.
20. If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.
21. Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.
22. There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go figure.
23. Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.
24. Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep under your desk.
25. Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.
26. If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.
27. Remember the 3 golden rules: 1. It was like that when I got here. 2. I didn't do it. 3. (To your Boss) I like your style.
28. The office is like an army, and I'm the field general. You're my footsoldiers and customer quality is the WAR!
29. Set out to leave the first vapour trail in the blue-sky scenario.
30. Statistics are like a lamppost to a drunken man - more for leaning on than illumination.
31. A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone elses?
32. Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?
33. You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober!
34. I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.
35. Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.

Parent - A Job Description

PARENT- Job Description


This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, none of us would have done it!!!!?

POSITION :

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma

Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa

JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.



RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.



POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.



PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.


WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.



BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

Instructions by Dhalai Lama

INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE

• 1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
• 2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson..
• 3. Follow the three R's:
• Respect for self, Respect for others, and Responsibility for all
• your actions.
• 4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
• 5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
• 6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
• 7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
• 8. Spend some time alone every day.
• 9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
• 10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
• 11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
• 12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
• 13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
• 14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
• 15. Be gentle with the earth.
• 16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
• 17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for
• each other exceeds your need for each other.
• 18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
• 19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Wrong hole